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Thread: the LOL thread ... all things funny

  1. #21
    Moderator Tri70's Avatar
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    This is a story of self control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.

    What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?

    The Beretta Jetfire:

    "While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my boyfriend we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!

    Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took…….the bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

    It's one of the best pistols in my collection……..."

  2. #22
    A New Face in Sparta
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    Two old men, Bob and Tom, went to a brothel after a night of drinking whiskey. The Madame couldn't believe the old men even came....they were really old.
    The Madame told one of her girls to go up and put a blow up doll in the first rooms upstairs and explained that she would send the old men up there cause they wouldn't know the difference. 3 minutes after the men went into the rooms the Madame saw one of them come down and head out as fast as he could....soon followed by the other. On the front porch....

    Bob: "Man we gotta go.....my girl was dead...they ain't getting me for this! I swear she was dead when I went in!
    Tom: " That witch killed her I bet!"
    Bob: "What witch?"
    Tom: 'That witch that was in my room! When I bit her on the ass she farted and flew out the window!

  3. #23
    I am awesome Dog's Avatar
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    An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

    the Doc says "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

    When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!

    "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor exclaimed ... "Did you follow my instructions?"

    The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day."

    "From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

    "No, from the fekkin' skippin!"
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  4. #24
    A New Face in Sparta steelpoet's Avatar
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    I really wanted to tell a good joke here but I am so tired today. I was reading a book last night on anti-gravity and just couldn't put it down.



    Got to have one "Oh gawd" bad joke with all of these gems!
    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

  5. #25
    A New Face in Sparta
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    I read "50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit, the one illustrated by Betty Dont.

    Then I went to work on the fishing boat, my new gig, where I continued to learn to bait hooks properly. To my surprise I really excelled and was given a promotion....Master Baiter. I'm unemployed again

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by jca1 View Post
    I read "50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit, the one illustrated by Betty Dont.

    Then I went to work on the fishing boat, my new gig, where I continued to learn to bait hooks properly. To my surprise I really excelled and was given a promotion....Master Baiter. I'm unemployed again
    you may find more steady employment in San Fernando Valley CA
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  7. #27
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    IF YOU MARRY AN IRISH GIRL

    The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day,

    he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

    The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day,

    he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

    The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day,

    some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees......
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  8. #28
    A well armed English man Davy's Avatar
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    A joke for Aus. " you gone walkabout mate or what "

    I reside in the North of England and had a couple of friends round last night. We were sat at the dining room table with the TV on in the background. A Canadian guy was on the Discovery channel relating his experience of his recent trip to England. His phrase was ( North of England residents are renowned for being friendly and liking a drink ) My mate Andy quipped quick as a flash. " Yea were like Australians with a coat on. " drum_zps56ad56be.gif
    Ask and ye shall receive

  9. #29
    Moderator Tri70's Avatar
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    Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"

    "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests."

    "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"

    "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

  10. #30
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    if you say woman fast enough ... it sounds just like "make me a sammich"
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  11. #31
    Spartan Elite Vikingdad's Avatar
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    POOF!!!
    Dog is a (shit) sammich

  12. #32
    Moderator Tri70's Avatar
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    01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________.

    02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. In early 1964, we all watched them on The ____ ___________ Show.

    03. 'Get your kicks, __ _________ _______.'

    04. 'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to ___________________.'

    05. 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.'

    06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____________.'

    07. Nestle's makes the very best . .. . . _______________.'

    08. Satchmo was America's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.

    09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.

    10. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________ ________... '

    11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.

    12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________ &_______________.

    13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.' This was a tribute to ___________________.

    14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

    15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the __________ ______________.
    16. Remember LS/MFT _____ _____/_____ _____ _____?
    17. Hey Kids! What time is it? It's _____ ______ _____!
    18. Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of men? The _____ Knows!
    19. There was a song that came out in the 60's that was "a grave yard smash". It's name was the ______ ______!
    20. Alka Seltzer used a "boy with a tablet on his head" as it's Logo/Representative. What was the boy’s name? ________


    ANSWERS:


    01.The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
    02. The Ed Sullivan Show
    03. On Route 66
    04.To protect the innocent.
    05.The Lion Sleeps Tonight
    06. The limbo
    07. Chocolate
    08. Louis Armstrong
    09. The Timex watch
    10. Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'
    11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
    12. Beetle or Bug
    13. Buddy Holly
    14. Sputnik
    15. Hoola-hoop
    16. Lucky Strike/Means Fine Tobacco
    17. Howdy Doody Time
    18. Shadow
    19. Monster Mash
    20. Speedy

  13. #33
    Spartan Elite devin556's Avatar
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    I had all those right except for 4. That's was a pretty good throw back tri.

  14. #34
    A well armed English man Davy's Avatar
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    I also got 16 out of 20. Not bad for a Brit
    Ask and ye shall receive

  15. #35
    Spartan Elite The Galician's Avatar
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    12 of 20... and damn it I used to smoke Luckies... Sigh

    Not bad for the youngest forum member.

    S/
    K

  16. #36
    Friend of Sparta Ineffable Aces's Avatar
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    17 of 20. Many of them were simply because I watched too much throw back television.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    No one thinks your funny. No one.

  17. #37
    Spartan Elite devin556's Avatar
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    How old are you Galician?

  18. #38
    Moderator Tri70's Avatar
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    I only had 14

  19. #39
    Spartan Elite The Galician's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by devin556 View Post
    How old are you Galician?
    Greetings,

    That Sir... is an inappropriate question. You will hear from my lawyer.

    S/
    K

  20. #40
    Spartan Elite devin556's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Galician View Post
    Greetings,

    That Sir... is an inappropriate question. You will hear from my lawyer.

    S/
    K
    easy there killer. Just wondering if your really the youngest around here. No need to get the panties in a wad. ��

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